What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell – I’ll never know why!
I don’t have a car in Manhattan because you have to choose between a car and an apartment. It’s that expensive.
In California, the lines on the road are just a suggestion. They’re in the left lane with the left indicator on, so naturally it’s time to turn right! Are you kidding me? In your Prius? I know, you’re saving the Earth by trying to kill the people!
If you’re in California, and it’s raining, stay home because nobody can drive in the rain. It’s like it’s raining frogs. They’re terrified.
When I walked in to read with Edie Falco, it was nice, because I auditioned in New York, and it was very quick. You walk in, there’s Edie, the producers, the director, and a camera. I read three scenes, and it was done.
I remember for my 18th birthday, I was going to get a tattoo, and I made the mistake of thinking I was a man and telling my father, and he was like, ‘Oh yeah? You better tattoo a new address on your arm, because you’re not living here!’ And that was the end of that discussion.
I think we all carry the seeds of our own destruction. You really have to be aware that just because something is good, it doesn’t mean it’s not going to trigger a self-destructive impulse.
I do stupid stuff like that: I’ll call my wife from the road, send her pictures of glaciers.
I’m surprised how hot it gets in the Moab Desert. I knew it got hot, but I didn’t think it got, like, Mercury-hot.
I took a Ferrari under the 405 freeway. We took rent-a-cars through the desert. That was fun.
Terrorists convince thousands of people to kill themselves in the name of God. I can’t convince two of my friends to help me move.
Anytime I get to help the firefighters, I will. I’m real lucky to be in a position to help.
It fits my ADD, so that’s good. Because I really can’t focus on anything for too long. And ‘Top Gear’s really the easiest thing to do because I’m with my pals. It’s like coming home with my friends. We’re having so much fun making the show.
When I meet people after stand-up shows, they’ll bring their cars.
I drove a brand new Lamborghini, the Huracan; it was great. We went on the Autobahn, and we got to drive on the Nurburgring.
Any time you can get a muscle car back, it’s a good thing.
I would recommend to someone that has the money to experience the experience of giving to another and purchasing me a Veyron. A Bugatti Veyron. That will really make you want to give to your fellow man.
I had done another show called ‘United States of Cars,’ which was a pilot that didn’t get picked up. And they said, ‘You know, we’re doing ‘Top Gear,’ and would you like to meet the guys?’ It was the wild – most wild audition I ever had because I never went to a studio or a producer’s office.
I want a ’57 Starfire Olds.
My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
I’ve been told I have an aggressive driving style.
I said I wanted to strap guns on an El Camino. When I brought it up at a meeting, they said great. I realized there’s no adult in the room.
I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
At 140, 150, that’s when the car starts floating. At 160, that’s when you start seeing dead relatives. At 180, it’s, like, terrifying and exciting.