Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx Quotes


Groucho Marx was an American comedian, actor, and writer, best known for his work as part of the Marx Brothers comedy team. He was born Julius Henry Marx on October 2, 1890, in New York City, and died on August 19, 1977, in Los Angeles, California.

Groucho Marx, along with his brothers Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and later, Gummo, formed one of the most successful comedy teams in history. Their vaudeville shows, Broadway plays, and films were renowned for their slapstick humor, witty wordplay, and anarchic energy. Groucho was often the leader of the group, known for his fast-talking, cigar-smoking persona, and his trademark bushy eyebrows and mustache.

In addition to his work with the Marx Brothers, Groucho had a successful solo career as a radio and television host, as well as a film actor in his own right. He hosted the popular quiz show “You Bet Your Life” on radio and television for many years, and appeared in numerous films, including “Animal Crackers,” “Duck Soup,” and “A Night at the Opera.”

Groucho was known for his irreverent humor, his sharp wit, and his ability to skewer authority figures and social norms with his comedy. His legacy as a pioneer of American comedy continues to inspire generations of comedians and entertainers to this day.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Groucho Marx Quotes

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

Don’t let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!

I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Groucho Marx Quotes
Groucho Marx Quotes

I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I wish you’d keep my hands to yourself.

Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!

If you wish to be success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.

I’d like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they’re working on now.

I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

Groucho Marx Quotes
Groucho Marx Quotes

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don’t let the men know.

It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Patience is the art of finding something else to do.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

Groucho Marx Quotes
Groucho Marx Quotes

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

There are only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

There are only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Time wounds all heels.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Groucho Marx Quotes
Groucho Marx Quotes